


Beautiful Ghosts

by LoversSpit400



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Au captain america, Civil War Team Captain America, I'm Bad At Tagging, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, WinterDad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:26:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22924861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoversSpit400/pseuds/LoversSpit400
Summary: Memories were lost long ago, but at least you have beautiful ghosts***********After the events on Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky goes to Bucharest and start to remember parts of his past and eventually, he remembers someone that once meant the world for him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	Beautiful Ghosts

The apartment was small and didn’t have a lot of furniture in it, in the darkness it looked like an endless void. It was pitch black outside and the journals on his window made it even worse inside, the quiet in the streets was almost deafening. Still, Bucky lied awake in his matress, staring at the ceiling, still not sure if his eyes were open or closed. 

His thoughts were all over the place. He saw himself standing in a room almost as dark as this one, he was hiding in the shadows like he did all those other times. Quiet. Invisible. Dark. Someone opened the door and let the light from the hallway invade part of the room, enough to illuminate the Soldier. When a fat man wearing a tux walked in, before he could even turn on the lights, blood was pouring out of his throat and he fell on the floor with a thud. The target was eliminate before he could even know what had happened. The Soldier disappeared on the shadows. 

Now, his whole body was shaking to the memory. He tried to remember the man’s name but nothing came to mind, he couldn’t even identify who that person was, in that moment, years ago, he was just a target that the Winter Soldier had barely looked at. Nothing but an inconvenient that needed to be gone. Still, Bucky tried to mourn him. 

Slowly, the first rays of sunshine entered the apartment by the journals that were ripped and announced to him that was another night he hadn’t slept. He got up, ate some cereal he had, put some clothes and walked the stairs, carefully not calling anyone attention and vanished in the streets like he was taught to until he arrived in front of a dining room a few blocks away. 

It was a simple place, only five people worked in there, Bucky being one of them. The owner, Constantin, had found Bucky trying to steal food in there a few weeks after he arrived in Romania. Crossing the ocean weren’t much of a trouble, he had done it way too many times over the years to fail now, even when the winter soldier was no longer a myth. But maintaining himself was hard. He didn’t have any money, he couldn’t buy any food, shelter or disguise, so stealing was the best option. Still, he couldn’t rob a bank or way too many things at once, it would have brought way too much attention, instead, little thefts here and there made him go through the night. 

He was so good that it made him reckless, he realized in the moment Constantin, a white, broad man in his late 50s turn on the lights, pointing a gun at his head. But Bucky wasn’t stealing any money, he was making himself his first meal of the day, at 2 a.m. and then he planned on taking a nap, that’s why Constantin didn’t shot him, instead, the man offered him food, a shower and a place for him to sleep and told him he needed someone to wash the dishes. Bucky gladly agreed before the man even finished his sentence. 

Three months later, he was still there, cleaning tables and washing dishes. He spoke little to nothing with his colleagues, but they were still some kind of found of him. They would call him to go out on saturday nights, even though every time he said he wasn’t feeling up to. They asked when his birthday was and now a random date he came up with at the time was on a list with the others, like it meant something. Bucky knew he was being reckless, he knew it was time for him to move, but in Bucharest he had a routine, a roof, people he almost could call friends, he didn’t want to leave that behind all over again. Just this time he was being selfish. 

Working on a dining meant he saw people without people seeing him. He was good in checking everyone who walked in without them noticing. Today was a particularly busy day, that meant that he would have to have contact to more people than usual, since for everyone leaving there was another waiting for the table, so that meant being noticed.

“Bucky!” Constantin’s voice cut him out of his thoughts. “Table 6!” 

Bucky turned and saw that a lady in her early 30s was getting up with a little boy with huge brown eyes, a kid, must not have been older than 8. For some reason looking at the boy made Bucky’s brain buzz, like it was time for him to remember something but it didn’t know what. That was a sinking feeling, a voice in the back of his brain yelling for him to remember, but he couldn’t. 

“Bucky!” Constantin yelled now so he went running towards the table, by the time he arrived both of them were almost at the door. Quickly Bucky began to clean it, taking the plates left behind, when he moved them, he noticed a Captain America’s doll on the ground. For a moment his whole world stopped and his breath was taken from him; the red, white and blue screaming at him, saying his name, making him remember. Someone dropped a cup, the sound of the glass breaking was enough to take him off of his trance and back to reality. 

He looked at the door and now the boy was leaving with the lady. He grabbed the doll and ran towards them. 

“Hey! Hey!” The boy and the woman turned and looked at him. “Your doll.” He said approaching the kid. He knelt down and gave it to him, the moment the kid realized that his toy was back he gave a huge smile towards Bucky. 

“Thank you so much!” He said and the lady beside him was now smiling as well, she told Bucky that was the boy’s favorite toy. He nodded and made his way back to the restaurant. 

When he walked through the door he could feel Constantin eyes at him, but he shook it off and returned to clean table 6 and then the glasses from the cup on table 2. 

The closing time came and as soon as Sofia, one of the waitress, turned the open sign to closed he knew that his night was far from over. Bucky was still washing a few dishes when the rest started to say their goodbyes, Daniel going as far as patting Bucky’s shoulder like they were friends before he left. Constantin walked into the kitchen at the moment Bucky stopped washing the last plate. 

“What happened today?” The man said, Bucky was used to these kind of question coming from his superiors, but now instead of rage, disgust and hate, the voice was filled with concern. 

“I got distracted. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” The answer came almost in automatic. 

“What distracted you?” There was a huge pause, Bucky’s eyes landed on the floor. “Bucky, you know I didn’t hire you only ‘cause you look pretty, don’t you?” 

Bucky couldn’t help but let out a small smile at that. 

“When I met you, I knew you needed help. I don’t know why, but you were lost, scared and I must say… You were scary.” He smirked a little. “But I knew that was more to that, you deserved more than that, more than whatever made you so lost back then.” 

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off the man. 

“Know that I’m here for whatever you need, kid.” The man smiled at Bucky, letting him know that he meant every single word of it. 

“I can never repay you.” Was all Bucky could manage to say, because he knew that in the moment he knew all that Bucky had done, Constantin wouldn’t be so sure of these words. He would be running as fast as he could. 

So Bucky walked home on the streets of Bucharest towards his place. His place. What a funny thing, he could almost laugh at that, alone in the streets, like a crazy man. He carried his dinner on his metal hand and turned the lock with his real hand once he arrived. That couldn’t be his place, he couldn’t get used to it, but he wanted so much. 

He ate, wrote about his day in one of his books and then decide it was time for him to go to sleep, considering last night he didn’t have any. 

The moment he closed his eyes he was back in Siberia. The cold, the dark, the dim lights. Every sound in there reverberated so loud; the conversations, the orders, the yells, the steps, and the iron railings when they would close it with more strength than needed. Now it all were filling the rooms and Bucky’s ears. 

“Let me go! Let me go!” The voice was screaming in english. It had been such a long time since Bucky heard someone speaking that language there. He couldn’t help but get up from his bed and see what was happening outside, it was against the rules, but everyone was doing so. 

The yelling did stop after a few minutes. Bucky curiosity dissipated, he knew he was wrong for moving without their consent, so he went back to his bed and waited until his superior came into view and told him to follow him. Bucky did so. They walked until the screams became louder and louder. 

They stopped in front of a usual cell. Concrete walls, heavy metal door with only a small window on it. When one soldier opened it, Bucky could see that inside everything looked the same, the emptiness, the single bed, everything but the curled sobbing mess that stood on the corner. A kid.

At the moment Bucky and his Superior started to walk into the room and the sound of their steps surrounded the whole room, the kid tried shrink even more, trying to make himself invisible to them. It was a young boy, really young, must not have been older than 6. His brown hair was a mess, his eyes puff and red, clothes ripped in some spots. He was trying to hard to escape from them that Bucky actually thought he was going to tear a hole in the wall. 

“This is your new student, Soldier. We have great things planned for him. Train him well.” The man said, but not even once took his eyes off the kid. He looked like a predator staring at his hunt suffer and beg for mercy. 

Bucky woke up with a gasp. His whole body was shaking. Tears wetted his face. The boy’s yells were marked on his brain like a tattoo, he couldn’t shake them off, he couldn’t make the little boy stop crying. “A kid. How could they done it to a kid?” The question kept coming and coming like a tsunami wave at him. 

Staggering he made his way to the bathroom, threw up all his dinner, filled the bathtub and put himself in there. The tears didn’t stop coming, but at least in the water everything was calmer. He let it involve him as he heard his own heart beating. 

Once he came back to himself that was already morning. He heard voices outside his apartment, his neighbors coming down the stairs to make their ways to work, something he should already be doing. Still, he made time to look himself in the mirror and he realized how tired and worn out he was, it had been a while since the last time he actually slept. So long he couldn’t remember. 

During the whole day he wasn’t functioning straight. It was saturday, time for him come with excuses to why he couldn’t go out with the other employes, but even that he couldn’t do. Everyone had to speak twice to him, because he was too buried in his own thoughts to pay attention to the outside world. The dishes were piling up beside him, his boss was calling him to clean up other people’s mess, but all his mind was thinking about was the boy. The scared little boy. 

He had to remember. He had to know where to start to look for the boy, he couldn’t leave him in a Hydra base. Maybe the boy was already dead, maybe the boy escaped, maybe he killed the boy when his superior told him too. 

“Bucky!” Sofia yelled and a plate broke in his hand. He was so lost in thought that he did not noticed that he was grabbing the dish so hard with his metal hand that it had broken. Undone in little pieces on the floor. 

It took him a moment to come back to himself and when he looked around all eyes were on him. Everyone had a surprised, horrified, expression on their faces. One Bucky knew all too well. He looked at them and then at Constantin, looking at the man eyes he said “I’m sorry.” and left the room, leaving silence and confusion behind him. 

The dining back’s door led to an ally, closing the door behind him, he sat on the floor and cried, covering his face with his hands. His mind was rushing. There was yelling, there was pain, there was people begging for their lives, there was Steve saying that he would be there ‘til the end of the line. It was all too much, so much that all he could do was sit and cry, his chest was burning in pain and he thought it would bust. He tried to push air in his lungs, but it wasn’t working as well. 

“Come on, Bucky. Breathe.” Constantin’s voice was in his ear. “You are okay. Calm down.” 

The man kept saying. There was a hand on his shoulder, on his real shoulder. He looked up for the first time and found Constantin’s eyes staring at him, the man was coaching him to breathe, exaggerating every breathe so Bucky would follow. The tears stopped coming, leaving him with red eyes, a headache and completely exhausted. 

“Are you okay now?” His boss asked, as concern as he was last night, but still grounded and firm. 

Bucky could only nod. 

“Can you walk?” 

Bucky closed his eyes, gathering all the strength he had and nodded. 

“Good. I’m gonna grab a Taxi and we are going to my place.” 

He wanted to argue, even opened his eyes to, but Constantin whole feature let him now that it would be in vain. So he nodded one more time. 

The man let Bucky know he would be gone only to get the Taxi and them he would be back, and so he did. Without even noticing Bucky was on the car, staring at the window to a city he lived, with someone who cared about him. The tears returned, this time silent. 

They stopped in a simple house. It wasn’t a mansion, but it was way bigger than the apartment Bucky lived. Constantin paid for the Taxi and told Bucky to get out and follow him. With a hand behind his back, his boss led him into the living room. The room was full of pictures of Constantin with a woman and two kids, they were smiling in most of them. 

“Did you eat today?” 

“No, sir.” Bucky cursed himself for how much he sounded like the Soldier. 

“Have a seat, I’m gonna make some soup for you.” 

He wanted to argue again, but the man was already gathering some ingredients. 

The couch Bucky was in was really soft, so soft he thought it would break at any minute. But so soft that made him comfortable, his eyes were closing and he tried to fight it, knowing really well what would happen if he did, still, darkness consumed him before he could even try to fight it. 

For the first time he woke up feeling rested. It was a good feeling, his body was screaming in pleasure, begging him for stay in the position for a little longer, to shut down without dreams for a little, but then he remembered where he was. He looked at the window and it was already night. So he jumped out off the couch. 

“Good night!” A brunette woman, in her 40s maybe, with short blonde hair and smaller than him, greeted. She was the woman in the pictures, she was the woman smiling with Constantin. “I’m Dafne! Constantin had to go the dining, but he told me he let some soup for you. Would you like it?” 

She had such a warm smile that Bucky feel secure. 

“Yes, thank you.” 

“Come! Follow me!” She said nodding towards the kitchen. “Constantin told me so much about you! I was dying to meet you, Bucky.” She told him to sit on the table as she heated the soup. 

“That’s…” Bucky tried to find the words to describe what it was. Nice? Weird? What it was. It was new for him to realize that someone cared about him, the only person who did so was Steve and he made sure to separate himself through an ocean. 

“Oh, don’t worry, he told me the best of things.” Bucky would doubt that, but it was fine to hear. 

She put the soup in front of him and he thanked her before he ate it. 

“I’m sorry you are having a hard time right now.” She told him with a condescending smile. “If you ever need a couple of friends, we are here for you.” 

“I don’t even know how to thank the both of you.” He said with honesty.

“Oh dear! When we were young, me and Cons, we been through some hard times. Sometimes we didn’t have food, a place to stay and with the revolution you know, it all became even crazier. All we had was a lot of love, from our friends and family. They helped us, so is our job to help others.” 

Bucky nodded, was all he could do. He thought about all the hate he carried with him, the urge for revenge, how bad he was treated and how bad the treated others, maybe one day he could help other too. Someday. 

Once the soup was over and he was feeling rest and fed for the first time in years, he decided it was time for him to go. Dafne insisted for him to wait until Constantin was back, but he argued that it was already late and he lived in a not so safe part of town. She understood. Before he left, he left a note thanking Constantin for everything. 

When he arrived he couldn’t sleep no more, so he wrote on his journal. This was a good memory, even if it came after a breakdown. Even if he was rested he tried to get some sleep, trying his best to bring some useful memory from the boy back, but all he could manage was lay in bed with his thoughts running. He eventually gave up and decided that he needed a computer, Black Widow had posted Hydra files online, maybe one of them would’ve tell him more. After that he fell asleep. 

The morning came and Bucky made his way towards his work as usual, but as soon he walked in he knew that things were different. Everyone was looking at him like they first did when he started there, trying to figure him out, trying to make something more of him. Constantin called him in his office, told that if Bucky wanted he could have days off, a thing that he politely agreed. It was better having something to do than spend the whole day looking at the ceiling. 

Thankfully, sundays they only opened for lunch and he had the whole afternoon free. Once he was done, he said his goodbyes, almost apologized for what happened yesterday, but he couldn’t bring himself to say those words out loud. 

There was a library a few blocks from the dining, so he made his way towards it and he let himself look at the architecture, the buildings, the people that surrounded him, hoping one of those things would trigger his memory. 

The library was a huge building, with windows all over it, with some columns in the front, close by the river. It was a beautiful place. When Bucky came closer to the door, he let out a huge sigh while he looked at the closed sign in front of it. Frustration rushed through his body, how could the library be closed on a sunday? 

He looked at his surroundings, some tourists were talking pictures of themselves, a little girl posed in front of the river. That were a few benches in front of it, so he let himself sit on them for a few moments while he tried to free himself from the gutted feeling in his chest. The thoughts that he would never be the same. He didn’t know who he was, he was no longer Bucky, no longer the Soldier, he was someone in between waiting for the bad or the good guys to catch him. 

So there he stood for a while, watching the people, the nature, the free world around him. He would never think that someday he would be free, he would have the option of being whoever he wanted to be, sure, he needed to be careful, but this was freedom at it’s best. 

His stomach rolled and he decided to call it a day with a smile on his face. 

The night wasn’t so kind to him. Nightmares rushed through his brain, some people that he killed, some memories from the time he was Bucky, fighting side by side with Captain America. 

Suddenly he was back on Siberia. The little boy was now on the floor, he was sweating so much, even though it was winter and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. The boy’s hair now was slightly longer, at least a few months must have passed since the boy was a mess on the cell. 

They were surrounded by grids and the floor didn’t have any kind of mat to cushion the fall, so when the boy fell, he fell with a thud and his body bounced a bit. His little arms were shaking as he tried to get up from from the floor. 

“Again!” He heard the sound of his own voice. 

The boy was on his feet again, his eyes terrified, begging for mercy as he looked up at the Soldier. Something inside the Soldier broke at that moment and a warm feeling on chest increased, he did not want to hurt that kid, but he knew that if he couldn’t stand up for himself he would be no use to Hydra. But the huge brown eyes staring back made him feel something that was buried inside a long time ago. He needed to protect, to help and save the boy. 

The kid was making a fist, his whole body was shaking and he couldn’t hurt a fly in front of him with it. 

Bucky advanced and pulled his punch when it landed on the boy’s face. 

One more time Bucky was back in the present, shaking, feeling disgust towards himself. He wanted to rip his skin off, to pull his arm out of his body, to untouch everything that someday he caused harm. How could he do it? It was only a kid, a little boy. Now, Bucky realized that he did not want to hurt the kid, but he needed to train him, and that was the best option, still the sound made by boy when he fell on the concrete echoed on Bucky dark apartament.

Looking at the clock he realized that he barely slept for an hour, with a sigh, he grabbed his notebook and started to write on it everything he remember about the boy, while doing so, more flashes crossed his mind. 

“It hurts!” The boy was complaining in a small voice in his cell, holding the side of his face with his hands, in a useless attempt to make the pain go away, while curled on the floor. Tears fell on the floor.

Bucky walked into the room and the boy immediately moved away, trying to put as much distant as he could. The feeling on his chest was burning him alive so he decided to act on it. Reckless, he knew, but he also knew that his insides were screaming for him to do the right thing. 

“Let me see.” He said in english, approaching the kid that still didn’t look at him. When his command fell flat, he grabbed the kid’s hand moved away from his face. It was swollen and black and blue, would probably get worse, still, nothing looked broken and that was a win. “Do you know russian?” 

The boy tried to shake his head, but apparently it caused too much pain. So he just said no in a small voice. 

“You need to learn or you won’t make it here.” 

The boy stood in silent for a moment. “I’m seeing two of you.” 

The soldier stared at him for a while, “probably a concussion.” he thought. “In here, you don’t have time to be sick, you don’t have time to rest. Cut one head and two more will grow, you know what that means?” 

Another small no. 

“That means that you are replaceable, and in the moment you no longer useful, you are dead.” 

Bucky was shaking so much, sweat ran down his body. He had helped the kid, he had done it the best he could given his circumstances, he could remember that now. 

“No! No! No! Please!” The boy was yelling but this time was in russian. The Soldier had spend the last few days teaching him basic words, so he could at least understand what was happening around him. But looking at him now, the boy was way bigger than he was in Bucky’s memories. 

No longer a kid, he was taller, body stronger, but he was still being taken by two guards down a hallway. He was kicking and shouting, as if it would help him. 

Now the boy was younger than he was in Bucky’s previously memory. He was trashing and howling in pain. He was screaming and screaming and screaming as if every nerve of his body was on fire, his eyes closed shut and his hands laid on Bucky’s flesh one. 

The touch was simple even if the grip of it was strong due to the pain, but it was the kinder touch the Soldier had ever experienced.

“It’s okay. You have to hold on.” Bucky heard himself saying in a soft voice. He was sitting beside the boy’s bed, hand returning the hold as he leaned close enough that he wouldn’t be heard by the guards standing outside the cell. He couldn’t remember why they let him stay with the kid, but he was glad they did. 

“Help. Make it stop.” The kid begged, still not opening his eyes. 

Bucky knew a few things. He knew that the kid was taken by guards, that he had spend a while away on those monster’s hand, knew that now he had injections’ mark on his arm. Knew that the boy was dying. 

“It will stop. I promise you.” Bucky’s mind thought about killing the kid and pulling him out of his misery on that moment, at least in death the boy wouldn’t suffer so much. He would try to make it quick and painless, like he had just went to sleep and never woke up. At the same time this thought came, his own voice promising to never hurt the kid invaded his mind. He couldn’t break that promise. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

The screaming went on for a few hours, until the kid was completely quiet. Bucky wanted to cry, he felt his vision begins to blurry and he couldn’t believe that the Asset had feelings, compassion for someone else. The kid was gone. He wasn’t breathing. At least his suffering had ended. 

When the boy got up from the bed with a gasp, Bucky couldn’t help but let go of his hand and get a little scared. 

They were experimenting on the kid. Bucky thought sitting his apartment, the pencil on his hand had broken from how hard he held it. That was a new not so surprising information, but it was somehow proud of remembering it. At least he had somewhere to start now.

The clock accused that he had spend another night awake and that morning was approaching. “Good.” He thought. Ever since he went to the library and found it closed he was just waiting for the time to go back there, it was even better that monday was his day off, so he could spend as much time as he wanted. 

After his usual routine, he grabbed his notebook and made his way out. Once he arrived he still waited a few minutes, but the library was open and he ran towards the computers on the end of it. 

Thankfully Hydra had taught him enough about gathering intel online for his missions. He wasn’t some kinda of detective, but he knew enough to make him dangerous. Looking for the Hydra files, he quite easily found them online. Most of them were encrypted, Black Widow as smart, she wouldn’t make it so easy, just his lucky that he once was Hydra too. It took him a few minutes, but soon enough he was able to break the code and his search began. 

He searched by dates, location, experiments and everything he could think of, but nothing ever mentioned the use of a child for operations or experiment on the documents. He carefully read them, trying to make any of those things match to the memories he had, but nothing came up. Even his Winter Soldier’s files didn’t mention he ever being used to train some kid other than the Widows on the red room.

His brain way hurting from how hard he was trying to remember the date that the boy had first came in, he tried to think of missions, of his timeline in Hydra, but nothing was helping. In frustration, he got away from the computer and walked out of the library and had the urge to bust some energy off of him or he would freak out. 

“My name is Peter.” The kid said in a whisper, as if he really spoke those words more pain would been brought upon him. Bucky knew it was possible. 

“In here you don’t have a name” The Soldier raspy said. 

“But I do. My parents called me that.” 

The memory made Bucky stop on his tracks, as if a bullet had shot him right through his heart. Peter. The boy was called Peter. A wave of excitement rushed through Bucky’s veins. He felt as frustration was being replaced by hope and joy, so much that he couldn’t mind the looks he was receiving from the people around him. 

So he went back running towards the library, the receptionist stared at him at like he was a crazy man and asked him for silence. 

He threw himself on the computer and searched for Peter, Hydra filles weren’t so detailed but he was able to find something: Richard and Mary Parker were Shield Agents, valuable agents that were responsible for researches capable of changing the whole bioengineering. Hydra had tried to make them work for them, but they refused, so the natural next step was murdering them. 

Bucky tried his best to know if the Winter Soldier had any participation on the murders, but up to now he couldn’t find any connections. That made him let out a sigh of relief. 

The couple had a son. A six years old little boy called Peter. That were the only information he could find on Peter on the files. But it made sense to Bucky, once the parents were killed, Hydra kidnapped theirs kids and made them its guinea pig. Since the files had stopped there, Bucky decided to search on Google anything about the couple. 

Soon he found that Richard and Mary were well known and respected scientists, had won a lot of awards on the field and that they had been working with the government to develop new technologies. 

The last news on them involved their tragic deaths on a plane crash while they were going to a convention in Europe. The couple was with their son at the moment the plane had a electrical malfunction and fell on the ocean. The kid’s body was never found. It had happened in 2006. 

Back at the Hydra files, in 2006 the Winter Soldier was in Siberia getting ready for a mission. Some files from 2007 had accused the Soldier to be too erratic, one in particular report was talking about how he had killed four agents by breaking their necks after he recused to follow orders. They had to put him on the chair, because his missions wasn’t complete. 

If his memories served him right, the mission was to train the kid. Peter. The Winter Soldier was erratic after they brought the kid in, it all started to make sense. Bucky was put out of the cryo once the kid was brought in and given the mission to train him. Once Hydra killed the boy’s parent, two super smart scientists, Hydra had plans for the boy and his intellect, maybe genes. Train a kid wasn’t easy, so he had to be out of the conditioning for a long amount of time, long enough for him too remember things, feel things. They wiped him and brought him back to his mission. 

“What did they do to you, Peter?” Bucky asked the screen in front of him. 

“What did they do to you?” Now his own voice came on his ear, worried, strong and in russian. 

In front of him laid a much older version of Peter, no longer a little kid with terrified eyes, but a small version of a man with eyes full of hate. 

“I already told you I don’t know!” The boy answered him sharply. Eyes narrowing down while he was touching the wall in front of him. “Everything is just… Bigger.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The lights are brighter. The wall is rougher, it’s like… I can touch every single detail of it. The sounds are louder, but clear. I don’t know… I just… I don’t know.” While saying it, Peter had curiously looked at his own hands, trying to find any kind of difference in them.

Bucky looking around trying to find the answer to a question he didn’t even know what it was. He let out a huge sigh. 

“Here is what going to happen. They are going to send me to a mission in a few days, you will keep quiet about whatever is happening to you. You are normal for them, okay?” 

“I have super strength.” The boy rolled his eyes. “I can’t be normal.” 

“Our normal.” Bucky said with a smirk. 

“My kid.” Bucky remembered. He was in public, but couldn’t stop the tears from falling down on the computer or the sobs from escaping his body. He had taken care of Peter for years, had being the kid’s protector during those awful days and had made Bucky feel human even after he the word had lost its meaning for him. A young lady that was seating a few computers away from him, approached him and asked if he was feeling okay. He dismissed her and staggered away from the library as fast as he could. He needed his notebooks, his bed, his place. 

As a ghost he made through the streets, tears falling from his eyes as people always glanced at him twice, as if confirming that a grown man like him ways bawling his eyes out on the streets. When he finally made it back to his apartment, he ran to grab a notebook and began to lay down all the memories that were just flooding his mind. 

Peter being sick one time and Bucky taking care of him. Peter sitting with curious eyes in front of him as Bucky taught him russian. Peter crying and telling Bucky how much he missed his parents. Peter talking to Bucky about his aunt and uncle in New York. When Peter had his first mission and Bucky spend the whole day in a bad mood, had punched a guard as his superior laughed, “you really like this kid, don’t you?” he had asked in a mocking voice. Soon enough Peter was being used against Bucky. For every wrong the Winter Soldier committed, Peter would be the one receiving the consequences. More than ever he was the perfect soldier. 

He wrote and wrote and wrote. It probably didn’t make any sense if he had to read him again, but he couldn’t care less. 

Alexander Pierce knew about Peter. That made him stop writing. 

They were in the US now, Hydra had successfully infiltrated in Shield and the helicarriers were being built for protection, Pierce was celebrating that. He had fooled everyone. The bank was a nice cover for them, the hidden base under it was smaller than the one in Siberia, but still dark, humid and horrible. 

Hydra figured out a long time ago how important Peter was for the Winter Soldier, instead of bringing them apart they brought the both of them, Peter being used as a bait for whatever they wanted the Soldier to do. So they kept them in the same dark cell and Peter was so much bigger now. 

On this particular memory, Peter was hanging upside down on the ceiling as if gravity was nothing to him. He did a cartwheel on the ceiling and complained of how bored he was. “At least in Siberia the bedroom was bigger.” The kid had grown in Hydra, not knowing the outside world, his whole life had surrounded itself on a nazi organization, still, Peter was a good kid. Bucky could feel that he had a big heart, that he tried to do what was right, such a shame that he lived in a lie. 

For him, Hydra was doing a fine job, was saving the mankind. He had heard it his whole life and Bucky didn’t know better back then. Peter was good. 

The last memory Bucky had of him was the most recent. The Winter Soldier was needed to kill Nick Fury, the plan was coming to its final part, everything was in place, they just needed Fury out of picture. Simple as that. 

“I’m gonna be back soon enough.” Bucky said as he grabbed his tactical gear and Peter watched him from afar. 

“I know you will, but why can’t I go with you?” The boy complained. “I’m really bored.” 

“Because you were not request. Stay here. Don’t cause any trouble.” The Winter Soldier told him, coming closer as he zipped his black jacket around him and put a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “That’s an order.” 

“Be careful.” He heard Peter saying as he was leaving. 

After this particular moment it all went to hell. He failed his mission, Steve was there, Steve made him remember some parts, enough, but not enough to remember about Peter. Not until now. 

Grief washed over him. He had forgotten about his kid, he had let Peter behind when it all went down, he never came back. Peter was always punished for whatever mistake the Winter Soldier committed, the littlest things. Bucky couldn’t help but imagine what they had done to Peter once he went rogue and refused to kill Captain America. His sweet Peter must had the most painful death, even though he didn’t deserve it. 

The sound Bucky made wasn’t human, he had “died” once and not even that had being this painful, not even the worst torture Hydra ever gave him could be compared to the pain he was feeling right now. Remembering what he lost was the worst thing that someone could ever do to him, it hurted so much that tears didn’t ran down his face no more. He was in shock, his whole body couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t react. 

“It’s my fault.” 

Everything after that was a blur. The only thing Bucky remembers is lying on the floor, completely numb and unaware of the world around him. For all he cared, the world could end right there, Hydra could open the door and take him out of the illusion he created for himself, the insanity of thinking he could start over and leave his past behind. 

A knock on the door called his attention and he had to think really hard about getting it or not. 

“Bucky! Bucky! Are you in there?” Sofia’s voice made itself heard, the tone she was using accused her of being worried about him. He almost laughed at that. “Bucky, are you in there?” 

She kept knocking for a while longer, time enough to annoy the hell of Bucky and make him get up from the floor to tell her to never come back again. As soon as he opened the door he was met with the woman’s worried face towards him. She analyzed him for a while and as if he was completely fine, she held a bag of food she was caring and said: “lunch?” way too excited. 

Bucky let out a sigh when his stomach rumbled at the idea of food and opened the door for her. 

Soon they were sitting on Bucky’s small table, almost in front of the door. 

“You didn’t show up at work today, we were worried.” She said after the gave her first bite in the pork she had brought for the both of them. 

“I should have called. I’m sorry.” Bucky said not taking his eyes off his food. 

“Oh! It’s nothing, we just wanted to know if you were doing fine. This day you’ve been… Off.” 

“One of my friend’s kid died yesterday. I… I’ve been…” 

“I’m sorry to hear that!” She actually sounded sad and Bucky couldn’t be more surprised. “Were the two of you close?” 

Bucky nodded. 

“Bucky...I’m so sorry. We are all here if you need anything.” She put a hand on top of his own. 

“I…” His chest was burning, he felt like he needed to tell someone something, even if a lie, but he needed to take it off him or he would explode and turn into a million little pieces that would never be come together. “I’m not good with words. But… I don’t know how to keep going.” 

Sofia’s eyes were wide at him now, she stared at him as if trying to figure out how much the words meant. 

“Children are not supposed to die, we are never ready when someone with so much to live for goes away, but I like to think that make us have to live in double. We have to live for us and for them, live for whatever they couldn’t. Life is tragic, and beautiful and messy and confused, and it's a gift to experience all that, so we can’t take that for granted.” She held his hand even tighter and he held back.

He nodded. She was right, they had taken Peter’s life, his childhood, his second chance, he couldn’t let it all mean nothing. In that moment, staring at Sofia’s eyes, he swore to himself that he would do the thing Hydra hated the most. He would be free, he would do whatever he wanted with his life, for him and for Peter. 

Sofia got up, came closer and offered him a hug. It was the first hug he had ever since Peter woke him up from a nightmare and decided that it would be the best way to calm him down, the memory brought tears to his eyes and Sofia must had sensed it cause she held him tighter. 

Once they let go, she gave him a small smile. “You have a strong arm, don’t you?” She said giving him a small laugh. 

His eyes widened and he accept the compliment. She had gone back to her seat in front of him and took another bite, Bucky did the same. For the rest of the lunch they ate in a comfortable silence, Sofia being a steady presence by his side, anchoring him and not letting him go back into his own mind, right now that was the most dangerous thing he could do. 

“You are not from here, right?” She asked when she was washing the dishes. 

“Not really.” 

“And I think you don’t really go out that much.” Bucky gave her a small smile. “What about we take a walk? I don't want to insult, but my allergy will kill me if I stay five more minutes in your apartment.” 

At that Bucky laughed. His first real laugh in a long time. 

“I mean it, it wouldn’t kill you to open one window, you know?” 

They got out of the building and walked through the streets, Bucky let himself ride the subway for the first time. Normally it had way too much surveillance, so he would rather walk to places and disappear on the crowd, making it harder for whoever was looking for him to catch, but now it be damned. He bought the tickets, sat on it and let Sofia talk to him for the whole ride, telling him little stories about her childhood in there. 

She took him to the a place called Cismigiu Gardens, the smell of flowers invaded his nose and Bucky tried to remember when was the last time he had seen something so beautiful in front of him. They walked until they arrived to a bridge over a lake, it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in a long time. 

“This is my favorite place in the whole world.” Sofia told him. 

“I can see why.” 

They found a bench and just sat there watching the world around them, Peter would’ve loved it here. And the pain was back in his chest and silent tears fell on his tight, but he didn’t even tried to hide it. They stood in there until the sun was leaving the sky and they both decided to stop by somewhere to eat something and then they head home. Before he said his goodbyes, Bucky thanked Sofia, he really did not know what would’ve happened to him if he was let alone today. 

“See you tomorrow?” Sofia said with a smile. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

For the next few months Bucky decided to live his life the way he wanted. He would go to his work, ride the subway, read the signs, even met a few popular places in town. Almost a month after that day, he had went out on a Saturday night to celebrate Constantin’s birthday. Still, the sinking feeling on his chest remained, but he tried his best to move past it, to be the best version of himself. 

He had a routine, friends and support, he couldn’t leave Bucharest. He didn’t want to, even if the voice on the back of his brain was yelling that it was not safe, even if his gut was yelling that something bad was about to happen. People like him couldn’t be happy. He ignored those voices until he went to buy some plums and he received a strange look from the man that sold newspaper. 

His past had caught up to him one more time and he was a fool if he ever thought that he could be happy. 

  
  


His escape plan had failed. He tried to make it home to grab his notebooks and essentials, but there he was met with Steve. Steve was there and Steve believed in him, but that was no use now. Captain America was a criminal now thanks to his old war buddy, and the man with wings, Sam was as helpless as they and the worse part of it all was to think that he could’ve made it if a man dressed up as cat didn’t came out of nowhere. 

Now he was sitting in a cell, shock waves cursing through his metal arm as metals immobilized his chest. At the moment the only thing he could move was his head. 

Once they arrived at the base, he saw from afar Steve and Sam talking to a way smaller man and a blonde, probably the only reason he was alive right now was because of those man. 

There was a yell, loud to bring everyone’s attention towards the door. Bucky couldn’t really see from the place he was, too distant, too many people in front of him. All he could make was a few guards trying to restraint someone. Steve looked back from the source of the commotion to Bucky, letting him know that whatever was happening was because of him. Just what he needed, more people trying to kill. 

Quickly his cell was being moved and the yelling got louder. Bucky tried to shut it, not needing another angry voice yelling in his brain. 

His cell was moved to a room with only a chair in front of it, guards powered up the box he was being kept and the lights now were so much brighter, so bright that were blinding him. Still, he decided to play along. Give them what they needed. 

A skinny man walked into the room with a man bag over his shoulder, he awkwardly sat on the chair and started to straighten a few items on the table. Bucky really hoped no one could see how fast his heart was pounding on his chest, he had been doing so well. His mind wandered to a lot of places as he waited for the man to begin, he thought about the people on the dining if they believed in what the news were saying, if they were scared, if they ever regret meeting him.

“I’m not here to judge you.” The man said with an accent. Bucky couldn’t care less about this man opinion on him, everyone had an opinion on him, the only people that mattered were in Bucharest believing he was a monster. “Do you know where you are, James?” 

James. He wasn’t James anymore, he wasn’t that man from Brooklyn in such a long time. He was Bucky, the one in between, the one that for a moment thought he could be free. 

“My name is Bucky.” 

The man kept talking and talking, he didn’t have any of his attention. Not until the power went out and the man seemed unbothered by it. Then there was, the godman red book, the one that had been the main star in so many of his nightmares. The words were the worst as it get, if the book was a vision from hell, the words were the last circle of it. He had tried to beg, to shut it out of his brain, but he felt himself losing control. 

Soon he was out and it was time for the Winter Soldier to shine. 

When he came back to himself, Bucky couldn’t help but be surprise that he was: a) alive; b) with one of the worst headaches he ever had; c) his metal arm was trapped; d) he remembered everything. He looked at his surroundings, he seemed to be in a old factory. 

“Hey, cap.” Sam got his attention and soon steps were heard. Two people seemed to be running towards Bucky and slowed down before they made it to the door. 

Bucky thought he must had hit his head way too strong, but it didn’t make sense. In front of him, at the door, a boy was staring at him, eyes huge and filled with tears, just like they had been when they first met. But now he was older, his hair shorter and tidy to the side, something he had never seen before, so it could not be an hallucination, it had to be real. Peter was standing in front of him, crying, with red eyes, chest going up and down so much if he wasn’t in shock Bucky would be worried, but Peter was dead. Peter had died when Bucky forgot about him and didn’t came back. 

Steve was behind the boy and Steve also looked different, older. And Steve was looking at Peter as well. Falcon was looking at Peter. The people around him were seeing Peter in there, so he must not have gone insane once and for all. Right? 

Only now he realized that his mouth was hanging open while he looked back from everyone in the room. Only now he realized that he was not breathing. But he couldn’t do that, not when Peter was in front of him. 

“Do- do- do you remember me?” Peter said between sobs. 

Words left Bucky’s brain. He was afraid that it was all a dream and in a moment everything would be gone, if he took his eyes away from the kid for less than a second he would no longer be in there. Bucky nodded. 

“We’re gonna need more than that, buddy.” Steve said from his place behind Peter. The both of them still hadn’t crossed the line that made them be on the same room as Bucky, they were waiting to see if he was still the Winter Soldier. 

“Y-you” Still Bucky couldn’t find the words to say the things he wanted, too afraid that in the moment he acknowledge what he was seeing, it would vanish. “Peter?” 

The boy nodded and more sobs came out of his body. 

Slowly Peter finally crossed the line and made his way to Bucky that was still in shock and didn’t know what to do. His metal arm was trapped and he was in a uncomfortable position, watching as the only thing that made him human approached him. When Peter was in front of him he couldn’t help but ask: “You are real?” 

Peter threw himself at him. Bucky felt him, felt his hair on his face and neck, felt his tears on his shoulder, his heart beat through his shirt, his arms surrounding him. The so familiar touch as Peter hugged him, with his real arm he holded the boy as tight as he could, knowing pretty well that if this boy was Peter he would’ve wanted that, that it wouldn’t break him. Bucky closed his eyes and let himself memorize every little thing about it. 

Peter pulled away and watched Bucky’s face, Bucky did the same with him. They were apart for two years and during that he had changed so much, but his eyes were still the same. Still kind, warm and welcoming, even if now they were filled with tears. 

“I thought you were dead.” Bucky said fixing his boy’s hair with his free hand and wiping the tears that were escaping. 

“Some friends found Peter on the Hydra base a couple of hours after what happened at the hellicaliers.” Steve said. Bucky almost jumped, he had completely forgotten that were more people on the room with them. Steve now was much closer than where he once was, his voice was calm, reassuring. “They brought him to the Avengers’ Tower.” 

Peter was still holding him and Bucky knew that he had the same fear of it all being a dream once it was done. 

“It’s a long story.” Sam cut Steve and his tone was way more serious and urgent than Steve’s. “One we will have time to tell once this all his finished and done. The doctor, what he wanted with you?”

Bucky started to them what he remembered. Siberia, the other Winter Soldiers. Peter would occasionally nod and give some inputs in his wet voice. “They were stronger than Papa. There was a riot where they wanted to kill the superiors.” He had said and Bucky couldn’t help the smile on his face when he heard Peter call his papa after all they had been through. All of what was happening was secondary in his mind right now. Peter was alive. He held the boy one more time.

Once he was done telling his story, they finally let go of his arm and he could move it again. While they free him, Steve was closer and he surprised himself by thinking that it seemed just like the old times, like the world didn’t fell on them just a little while ago. 

“Is it okay?” Peter asked. He had stopped crying a while ago, but his eyes were still red and puff. 

“Yeah. Maybe when it’s all done you can check it for yourself.” Bucky said and Peter happily nodded. “You are alive.” It came out still in disbelief. By each passing minute it was getting easier to believe it wasn’t a dream, but it didn’t mean that he was actually believing in whatever was happening. 

Peter still had a smile on his face and ever since they met again they haven’t let go of each other and the world around them didn’t seem to matter anymore and Bucky would’ve given anything to live in that lie, but Steve came back in the room with a look on his face said that, for now, reality was calling.

“Sharon was able to get our uniforms, we need to grab a car and meet her.” He said in a serious voice. 

“I go with you in case you need backup.” Bucky heard himself saying, as much as he hated to admit, but they needed to talk alone, even if for a few minutes. 

Steve nodded and threw a pair of gloves at him. Bucky left the building with Steve hyper alert, double checking his shoulder every single moment as Steve checked his surroundings. 

“I own you an apology.” Bucky spoke after they hit the road and started to look for a car to steal. 

“There’s no need-” Steve quickly spoke. 

At any moment they looked at each other, eyes always head, searching for the danger that might meet them in the corner. 

“I think so. I shot you, beat up and then ran away.” He said as he saw a blue beetle parked in an area with a few other car and no other human in it. It was a street with a few industrial buildings in it, fences and almost to no surveillance. It would be easy enough. 

“You stabbed me too. Don’t forget that.” Steve said with a smile on his face and Bucky felt himself relax. “It’s all forgiven.” 

Steve leaned on the car and checked the perimeter while Bucky tried to open the door. 

“How is Peter doing?” Bucky asked when he was able to open the door. 

“Ow. He is great kid, super smart and really strong.” Steve said as he sat on the passenger side as Bucky started the car. “When we first found him he put up a fight, but after we explained everything to him he really accepted our help.” 

Bucky smiled like a proud parent before a rush of sadness set on his chest. “I really thought he was dead, that’s why I didn’t-” 

“We know.”

“I’m glad you found him.” 

They went back to the warehouse and gathered Sam and Peter. Sam refused to go on the backseat, so Bucky and Peter shared the minimum space there was, but still he did so without any complaints. Soon enough Steve was driving through the streets, trying go by unsuspiciously, by his side, Peter was asleep, breathing steady and body leaning against him. 

“The kid went bezerk once he saw it was you.” Sam said looking ahead. 

Bucky didn’t know what to say about it, only he and Peter knew what had happened during those awful times, even though they weren’t related in any way they had something stronger than blood. They would always have each other backs back then and being free from Hydra wouldn’t change that. 

“He’s a good kid.” Was all Bucky said instead. 

The car stopped by a tunnel, a place without cameras and movement. Sharon was already waiting for them and Steve was the one responsible for talking to her, Bucky wanted to go in there and apologize for almost killing her, but leaving the car was going to be much trouble. 

When Steve came back they were still in the same position, Bucky’s back were killing him from standing in the same position after a long time and his head was still hurting. They drove for a few minutes and stopped by a simple house, it was a one storage green painted house. There were a few others houses surrounding it, but none of them seemed be occupied. Steve had done his research. 

Steve and Sam were the firsts to leave the car, while Bucky tried to wake Peter up. The boy took a few seconds to come back, when he did he stared at Bucky in breathless said “I thought I was dreaming.” Bucky gave him a small smile and announced that they had arrived at the safe house. 

They walked in and were met by a house with white walls and a somehow big living room area that made Bucky think only that was the size of his apartment. The living had a shared kitchen and a hallway in the middle that let to two bedrooms and a bathroom at the end of it. It was cozy, simple and normal, a good hiding place for two supersoldier, a man that flew across the sky and a kid that could climb up walls. 

“This was Sharon’s old place. She gave me keys and assured me that it would be completely safe for us to spend the night here.” Steve said as Bucky, Sam and Peter analized the house. “We’ve called backups, but they’re on the US so we will have to wait for them before we can do anything.” 

Bucky looked at Steve and nodded, mentally thanking him for everything. Sam made his way to the kitchen and announced that it had noodles. Peter gave him an excited smile and almost jumped to his side so he could pick his favorite flavor. 

Steve made his way closer to Bucky but his face was serious. 

“Stark is really important for Peter, they got really close after all this time. Just… Keep that in mind when we’re fighting him.” 

“Do you think there’s any way for him to help us?” Bucky sounded hopeful, maybe this time it wouldn’t end in a fight. 

“After the Accords maybe, but right now… No. He thinks I’m wrong, thinks I’m blinded by you. ”

“Maybe you are.” Bucky looked at him for the first time. “But this is not the most important thing right now.” 

Steve let out a sigh. 

“Papa! Do you want meat and tomato or chicken and mushroom?” Peter’s voice brought they attention to the kid. “No! No! The chicken is mine, I told you that!” They both heard Sam’s serious complaints almost at the same time as Peter spoke. 

Bucky couldn’t help but grin at that. “I will want the kitchen!” 

“No!!” 

Once the fight about the noodle flavour came to an end - Bucky ended you eating the chicken one while Sam didn’t even blink looking at him - they all realized how tired they were, so they made their way to their bedrooms. There was not even a change that Bucky wouldn’t be sleeping with Peter that night. 

“Oooooh. I’m so tired.” Peter said as he threw himself in the twin size bed, words muffled by the pillow that his face was buried in as his arms and legs were spread all over, just like a starfish. 

Bucky smiled at and made his way to the floor beside the bed, feeling the hard floor below him, just like he had done so many times over the years. Watching the door in case someone decided to take Peter away from him. Sounds from above him let him know that Peter was adjusting himself in bed. 

“Oh!” A gasp called his attention. “I didn’t even ask. Do you want the bed? Or we can share, there is really no problem at all.” Peter’s head appeared on his vision. 

“No, you can have the bed. I’m probably not really sleeping tonight, anyway.” 

There was a moment of silence. “Can you please sleep with me tonight?” Peter’s voice was so small, in a whisper, that Bucky thought that if this streets weren’t so quiet he wouldn’t be able to have heard him. 

He made his way off the floor and towards the bed, Peter opening space so he could lay down and once he was settled, Peter laid on his metal arm. 

“Are… Are they treating you well?” Bucky couldn’t help but ask. He knew they were not Hydra, Steve and his friends were the good guys, but once Peter and him were the bad guys and that could have not gone unnoticed by them. 

“Yeah. Yeah. They are-They are treating me well.” Peter’s voice was shaking. “I go to a school, a real one, with kids the same age as me. I have a friend called Ned, he’s really cool, I think you will like him.” 

There was a smile on Bucky’s face, a real one. Thinking about how close to normal Peter had gotten, but soon his smile faded once the memories of Peter yelling and training appeared in his mind. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Peter’s head lifted from his arm and started at him. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t… I know that were things that I couldn’t have done back then, my brain knows. But- I think part of me knew that whatever they were doing to you was wrong, that it wasn’t right, but I still let them. I mean, I could’ve helped you escape or something.” There was a mournful tone in Bucky’s words. “I could’ve done so much better.” 

Peter’s head went back to his arm, he could feel the pression it made once it laid in there. The room was dark, only light up by the streets lights, still, it was so much brighter than his previously place that he felt like there was a huge spotlight illuminating the both of them. 

“Sometimes you would come and wouldn’t remember me. That usually happened after I heard your screams on the machine.” Even though Bucky couldn’t see his face, he knew that were tears in the boy’s eyes. “I knew that they had wiped you after you’ve met with Steve for the first time, I’ve heard some guards saying that you were unstable and I knew that you would have forgotten about me and I thought that was okay, because you would always come back and remember. But then… Then everyone started to run and mind they own, and they still kept me on the cell. I saw some people running away with papers on their hands, you remember that really scary bald guy that once threw me on the floor?” 

Bucky nodded, remembering how he almost killed the man for hurting Peter. Realizing that Peter wasn’t looking at him, he hummed in response. 

“I asked him what was happening, why everyone was running and he told me that Captain America had killed you and Hydra had been exposed.” Sniffs came out of Peter, but Bucky just let him take his time before he continued. “I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to go where you were so I could check it for myself, but everyone were just thinking of themselves, they didn’t even paid attention on me. They just let me in there.” 

“I tried to escape, I tried so hard, but I couldn’t. Then I’ve heard steps and it wasn’t of people running, they were coordinated, y’know? Like when I went on missions with you? So, I thought that was Captain America and that he was going to kill me like he killed you. But it was this kinda old man, Coulson, he is really cool, but back then I didn’t know so I kind knocked him out and that stuff, but there were more people in there and they tazed me, so I just blacked out.” 

Bucky wanted to know more, he couldn’t help himself. 

“And then you met Steve?” 

“Oh! No, no, no, no. They took me to the Avengers Tower, when I woke up I met Mrs. Stark. He’s really nice, he’s just confused after what happened in Sokovia, but he’s cool. I only met Steve after a few weeks.”

“Why is that?” 

It took Peter a moment to answer him, so much he thought that the boy didn’t hear him. 

“I really thought we were helping, you know? I really thought we were the good guys.” The sadness on Peter’s voice was so clear that it broke Bucky’s heart. “It took me a few time to realize we were not.” 

“Are you fine now?” 

“I don’t want- I want to be on the right side.” He said with hope in his voice.

Bucky squeeze him into a hug and they laid in there, Bucky feeling Peter’s chest rise and fall as he tried to contain the tears falling from his eyes. After a few moments, Bucky felt it slow down, accusing Peter of finally going to sleep. 

When the morning came, Steve announced that his friends set up a meeting place. Their plan was simple, Stark would’ve come using a Jet, they could get the jet and go to Siberia and there they would stop the guy who was trying to let a bunch of wild Winter Soldiers on the loose. Then they would face the consequence. Simple as that. 

Steve’s friends consisted in three guys. Wanda, the only girl that apparently could move this with her mind. Bucky remembered she was the one responsible for a disaster in Lagos, he had heard Constantin talk about it once. 

“These people think they can come and save us when no one asked for their help!” His ex-boss had yelled at the TV while Bucky tried his best to not look at Steve’s face on the screen. 

He knew Hawkeye, Clint, from what he had heard and read about the Battle of New York. Apparently now he was retired and left his family so he could help Steve. 

The other one, Ant-Man, he had never heard of. He was a friend of Sam’s even though he refused to get into details about how he had met him. 

And that were the people that followed Steve into his madness, into becoming a fugitive only cause Captain America had said he needed help. If he had more time Bucky would stop to think about how Steve was a leader in every sense of the word, how he was respected and a symbol of everything that was right. But he didn’t have these time, not now. 

“What the hell?” He said in surprised once he saw Peter dressed up in a red and blue spandex. 

“Did you like it? I’m spider-man!” Peter’s voice came out of the mask while his robotic eyes wided up, showing a little bit how excited he was for showing him his suit. “Look, I have web shooters!” He showed his wrists to Bucky that could only stare in disbelief. Never in his wildest dreams he would think of Peter as a superhero in spandex. 

“Uh… You look great.” Was all he could say, while his face was still showing how confused he was about it all. “How do you breathe in this?”

“Oh it’s actually pretty easy! The fabric is full of little holes in it-” 

“Everyone ready?” Steve came in and cut their conversation. They were about to work on their plan. 

“Huh. Captain America.” Steve turned around and face the kid unsure of what was about to happen. “I know my place in battle is to keep my distance and just web people up, but I was thinking if I could do that with Papa and Sam.” 

Bucky’s heart softened at the simple request and he looked at Steve asking the same things with his eyes.

“Sure. Just be careful.” There was a small smile in his face before he left. 

Steve was on his position a few minutes after that. Bucky, Sam and Peter were running until Black Panther, as Steve explained to him, came into their views and punched Sam out of the way, threw Peter’s over the room and grabbed Bucky by the throat. He freed himself by using his metal arm and his intention was to throw him over the room, but he only went a few steps back. 

The King had tried to move but his feet were webbed on the floor. 

“It’s really rude to go punching people!” Spider-man said climbing the wall while Bucky ran towards the jet. When Black Panther had finally gone free, they were on a good distance, but the man was fast, so Sam was responsible for holding him back for a little. 

The fight kept going until the two teams were facing each other. Stark didn’t stop, he would only stop when Bucky and Steve were captured. Bucky was happy to surrender once the situation was contained, he had already made up his mind about it, but now he would fight until his last breath. 

“Some of us gonna have to lose.” He heard Sam’s voice coming to the communicator. Plan B was in action, only him and Steve would get on the jet on their way to Siberia, the rest would stay and be captured as criminals. Bucky hated that plan, everything about it. About letting people behind, about others facing the consequences of their actions. Still he ran towards the jet. 

He had heard steps coming from behind him and Steve and braced himself for battle, but once he turned back he saw the red and blue costume. Peter. 

“I’m going with you!” Peter yelled trying to catch up with them. 

Bucky really tried to argue with him, but the alien thing, Vision or whatever it was called, destroyed a tower and Wanda was doing her best to hold the remanings so they could go through. They barely got in there in time, still, Black Widow were waiting for them. Thankfully, she decide to take their side on the last minute, maybe there was a God after all. 

They got on the jet and only after they saw the airport vanish on the horizon, Bucky realized he was holding a breathe and let it out. Peter did the same, taking the mask of his face in a over dramatic way that made Bucky chuckle. “Oh man, that was scary…” He said as he melted on the chair. Chest rising and falling as he put his arm through his chest. 

“Are you hurt?” 

“No. No. No. I’m fine, just...Just need a moment.” He waved. 

“I’m going to the cockpit talk to Steve, okay? Get some rest.” Bucky said as pat on Peter’s shoulder and made his way towards Steve. Captain was on the pilot chair, focusing on the sky ahead of him. 

“Hey, Stevie.” 

“Oh, hey Bucky! I already traced a path towards Siberia and put on us on furtive mode.” He said as he tried to bring his attention to Bucky. 

“Your friends. What is going to happen to them?” 

“Whatever it’s, I’m gonna deal with.”

Bucky nodded as he sat behind Steve. “Thank you. For believing in me and not giving up. It means a lot.” 

“You know Peter’s first words when he woke up at the Stark’s Tower? He asked about you.” There was something in Steve’s voice, something Bucky couldn’t put his finger on. “He cursed a lot of people, punched Stark and said he wanted to kill me for killing you. He kept talking about his “papa”, saying I deserved to die for what I did to you. They had to sedate him, but it didn’t really work ‘cause his metabolism. Only after a few days Tony realized that you were his “papa”, the Winter Soldier.” Steve let out a small laugh. “At the moment I saw Peter I knew that even if they had brainwashed you, even after everything you were still in there somewhere. Looking up for the little guy.” Bucky could hear the smile on his voice.

“I’m not your Bucky no more.” There was sorrow in his voice. “I remember some parts of him, but I’m not him, I’m not the winter soldier as well. I’m not even the one Peter knew, I’m just- I’m just me.” 

“That’s enough for me.” 

After that they were quiet for a while, until Peter came into the cockpit. 

“Hey. Is everyone okay?” His gaze went through Bucky and Steve. 

“We are alright, you?” Steve asked. 

“I was thinking. When we get into Siberia and catch this guy, maybe Mr. Stark will listen to us and he can forgive us, so papa can go back and live with us at the Tower.” His eyes were filled with tears, even though he was shaking. “You gonna love it in there! There’s this whole floor for robotics and there I can repair your arm… It’s gonna be fun.” He started to deflated and his voice was becoming too small while Bucky approached him and put him into a hug and the tears fell on Peter’s face into Bucky’s shirt. 

“I think it’s great.” He assured the kid even though they both knew it was only a dream. “Tell me more about this lab. Have you ever build anything?” 

“Yeah, my web shooters.” Peter said in a high voice, it was an almost three hours flight so Bucky’s plan was too keep the kid busy during the rest of the flight. Maybe Stark would forgive Peter, he was a child and did not know any better, Bucky was his only connection to whatever childhood he had, good or bad. They were there for each other when no one else was, Peter didn’t deserve to suffer because of that. 

“We gonna land in a few.” Steve announced and they all sat. 

As soon as they left the jet a rush of a frozen wind met them and Bucky remembered how much he hated the cold, he put the gun on place once he saw that the base’s door was open. Peter was on guard as well, they were both kept in there for a few years. They had met in there, most of Bucky’s memories with Peter was in there. This was hard for the both of them. 

They walked through the door and Bucky surprised himself by knowing the place by heart, so he let Steve through an elevator and the hallway that would lead them to the room where the Soldiers were. 

“It’s awkward, isn’t it?” Peter said as Bucky looked at every corner. 

“It’s the worst.” 

There was a loud thud behind them that put them all on guard. Steve held his shield up as Bucky aimed the gun at the door and Peter put himself on the ceiling and was ready to be the element of surprise. The door was creaking, announcing that whoever was coming in was close enough.

“Ready?” Steve asked as Bucky put his finger on the trigger, ready to shoot whoever crossed that door. 

Peter gave them a thumbs up. 

The arc reactor was the first thing that called Bucky attention. Iron Man opened the door like it was nothing and slowly walked towards them as his helmet opened and Tony Stark face came into view. Steve was approaching him slowly, Bucky wanted nothing more than to look up to check if Peter was okay, he really didn’t want to kill his son’s hero in front of him, but there were bigger things at risk now. 

“You seem a little defensive.” Tony said while looked at every single part of the room. 

“It’s been a long day.” Steve said. 

“At ease, Soldier. I’m not currently after you.” Now Stark spoke looking at his eyes, and Bucky didn’t let himself belief in that for a second. “Oh, hi Peter!” He said once he looked up. 

“Then why are you here?” Steve spoke for him. 

“Could be your story’s not so crazy. Maybe. Ross have no idea I’m here. I’d like to keep it that way” Stark leaned himself into a pillar, let them all know that he was serious, that he wasn’t in there to fight. Not them, at least. “Otherwise, I gotta arrest myself.”

“That sounds like a lot of paperwork.” Steve said sounding like he believed in Stark. Peter had fallen off the ceiling and leaned in front of Stark as he smirked at Cap’s joke. 

“Oh, Mr. Stark, I’m so happy you came to help.” Peter sounded so relieved at that. 

“It’s good to see you Tony.” 

“You too, Cap.” Tony gaze when back at Bucky that was still pointing the gun at him. “Hey, Manchurian Candidate, you’re killing me. There's a truce here, you can drop…”

Steve motioned for him to put the gun down while Peter’s eyes were wided towards him as he put the gun down and decided to let himself relax a little.

Once they made to the room where the Soldiers were, the damn chair was still on the middle of it. If they were made it out, Bucky hoped he had time to destroy it himself, piece by piece still there was nothing left. But now, he was focusing on the lights that just went up and the monitors that showed them that the Soldier were dead. 

“If it’s any comfort, they died in their sleep.” A voice came on the speakers. Steve and Tony slowly walked forward while Bucky and Peter made it to the side. They were all dead, close Bucky could see the bullet hole in their heads. “Did you really think I wanted more of you?” 

Bucky had never been more confused in his whole life and that said a lot. He held the gun tighter. 

“I’m grateful for them, though. They bought you here.” 

A light went on and it showed a small, white and young man staring at them. Steve and Stark tried to attack at the window, but Bucky and Peter knew better. They would never let themselves be this vulnerable. 

“Please, Captain. The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the Launch of UR-100 rockets.” Bucky and Peter looked at each other, they lived in this place for a huge amount of time, and they didn’t know that. 

“I’m betting I could beat that.” Tony said. 

“Oh, I’m sure you could, Mr. Stark. Given time. But then you’d never know why you came” 

“You killed innocent people in Vienna just to bring us here?” Steve sounded beyond mad.

The man spoke close to Steve now as they were face to face, divided only by a wall, Bucky could barely hear the words that were being said, but he heard something about about Sokovia and how he wanted to break the Avengers. Bucky was just a pawn in this guy’s game. 

Behind Steve a screen lighted up and showed a date. December 16, 1991. Bucky knew pretty well what he did that day, he remember being shipped to US, the car crash and the set up so he could get the serum. As the video was playing so was the flashback in his head, Howard was a friend, he had recognized him before Bucky- The Winter Soldier killed him. He could hear the woman’s little pleas and how she tried to catch air in her lungs but he was preventing it. How when he was done he went back, grabbed the serum and just drove away. 

A noise pulled him out of his memories as he looked up to face Tony Stark aiming at him. 

“Tony it wasn’t him!” Steve’s voice was on his mind. 

Instead of fighting Bucky pulled his gun down, surrendering himself to the consequence of his actions. He heard the armour charging. 

“No! Mr. Stark don’t do this please!” Peter jumped in front of him, taking his mask to face Tony Stark with red and puff eyes. “Don’t do this! Please!”  
“Peter, stay out of this!” Bucky heard himself saying. 

“Peter, get out of the way.” Stark said in full fury. 

“No!” The boy yelled. “Mr. Stark are you seeing that chair?” Peter in despair pointed at where it was. 

“Peter!!” Bucky reprimanded but Stark briefly looked at. 

“This is where they would wipe papa! He would scream so much while they were doing so, once you asked me what my nightmares were about. They were about it. I can still hear his screams.” Peter was sobbing. “Whenever he did something they didn’t like they would beat me! Hurt me! Not give me food and take me away for day, so they could control dad. They did it! Hydra did it! If papa could he would never do it, I know. He is good, he held me when I was sick, he taught me how to speak russian and he held his punch backs when we were training.” 

Bucky was stunned, tears leaving his face as he watched his kid defending him. Even if he was wrong. 

“Please, don’t kill him. Please, don’t kill my dad.” Peter threw himself on the ground, begging on his knees. “Please, Mr. Stark, I just got him back.” 

“Peter, get up! Stop that!” Bucky came closer of his son, and as he saw that the boy wouldn’t do that he sat on the floor and put the boy’s face on his hands. “Pete, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. Someday I would have to face the consequences of my actions-” 

“But it wasn’t you.” Peter’s voice was wet. “It wasn’t you-”

“Peter! I did those things!” 

“If you did so did I!” And that hurt more than any blast every could. He wanted to have more time, maybe that way he could explain to Peter the difference about his actions and Peter’s, how he never knew better, but his time had ran out a long time ago. 

He looked at Stark for the first time. The man’s expression was blank, his arm still up as tears fell from his face as well. Maybe for different reasons. 

Bucky gave a kiss on Peter’s forehead and got up, even with Peter holding his arm, trying to make him stay at the floor with him. Like a little kid, like he did so many time ago. 

“Just don’t do it in front of him.” Bucky said breathlessly, looking at Tony’s eyes. “I’m sorry. For everything.” 

There was a tense moment. He could feel Steve wanting to engage, to start a fight, he could feel Peter pushing him back and then Tony lowed his arm. His armour announced that he had gave up, he would not kill him there. There was a huge sigh coming out of Stark and he closed his eyes and tried to put himself together. 

“Ok.” Stark sounded like he just had ran a mile. “You.” He looked straight at the man. “Zemo right? Stay right where you are.”

Bucky’s eyes widened at the sight, Stark attention completely left him and focused only on the man hiding behind the window. Bucky’s mouth was hanging open, his gaze went from Stark to Steve, hoping that his friend would explain to him what had happened, but all he saw was Captain America with tears in his eyes and a small smile on his face. Peter had gone up from the floor and threw himself into his arms, Bucky was so so lost that he had to hold himself a little to not fall on the ground with the impact. 

His eyes still haven’t left Stark and his laser, that were through the wall between them and Zemo. Tony still didn’t look at him but he could feel that was a heaviness surrounding them. The man had tried to run from them, disappearing in the shadows, but Cap and Iron Man were rapidly chasing him. Bucky couldn’t, he was stuck in that same place with Peter on his arms. The boy was sobbing his heart out, hiding his face on his chest. 

After a few minutes a shot rang through the halls and send shivers down Bucky spine and made Peter stop crying for a minute and look at the source of the sound. It felt like the world had stopped spinning for a moment while they both waited for someone to come and tell them what had happened, after a few minutes that felt like and eternity, Steve came up in their field of vision.

“Zemo tried to kill himself, but T’challa stopped him. He was contained and now we are going back home.” Steve was out of breath, not because of fighting, but because of the emotional rollercoaster the last days had been. Finally it had came into an end. 

“What about Mr. Stark?” Peter’s voice was still shaking. 

“Tony is going to bring Zemo to the authorities back in Germany.” There was a moment of silence. 

“Let’s get the hell of this place.” Bucky said and Steve and Peter nodded as they made their way out of the bunker. As they were leaving Bucky found T’Challa holding Zemo by his clothes as the man had his hands behind his back. 

“Your majesty.” Bucky said nodding towards him.

“Mr. Barnes, I owe you an apology.” The man said in a serious tone and Bucky couldn’t help but see Zemo rolling his eyes. 

“Don’t need. You were just doing what you thought was right.” 

“If you ever need anything, Wakanda has its door’s open for you.” 

“Thank you.” 

They went back to their jet, the one they stole from Stark. As soon as the door was open they found Tony sat on the back of it, clearly waiting for them. Peter put himself on guard and braced himself for a fight, but Bucky and Steve knew better. 

“The rest of the team is on the raft, I already put the location the jet all you need to do is go there and free them. Up to now you all are fugitives, act like it.” He said getting up and making their way between them to leave the plane. 

“Tony…” Steve said. “Thank you so much.” 

“I didn’t do it because of you.” His armour closed and in a few seconds he was flying on the sky. He didn’t say goodbye to Peter, or threatened Bucky, he just left and Bucky could feel Peter’s heart breaking beside him. He put a hand on the boy’s shoulder to try and comfort him but he knew that was no use. 

Steve went to the cockpit and Bucky watched as the base became smaller and smaller until it disappeared on the distance. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago and really didn't know if I should post it or no, because I usually write things off canon and this one has nothing to do with it, but I decide to give it a shot. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it as much I loved writing it.


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